Patience!

My pretty little flowers have been attacked.  I believe it was powdery mildew, but I don't know.  There was some white stuff on the leaves early on, and now they look like this:

This also represents what has happened to all of my fitness via gardening plans.  And the deck?  Delayed.  These poor flowers look like I feel, fighting hard to bloom, but being overtaken by a choking powdery mildew.  I have powdery mildew.

Meanwhile, that rosebush I cut to nothing is doing well:

Earlier this Summer, I cut this bush down to nothing.  It had been left to its own devices too long and it needed to be done.  Now, although it isn't blooming, it is healthy and strong.  Next year, I expect there will be beautiful roses, if I can figure out how to prune it properly.

Is there a lesson in this for me?  Maybe it is that there are no shortcuts.  When I bought my pretty purple and orange flowers I got a dose of instant gratification.  Instant beauty.  I didn't have to work for that.  I bought plants that were already blooming and just put them in a pot, but the pleasure those flowers brought me didn't last.  Now I feel sad and helpless when I look at them.

And my rosebush?  It needed some ruthless pruning before it could return to a healthier state.  Pruning is scary.  What do I cut?  How much?  What if I cut too much?  What if it never comes back?

I am that rosebush.  I need pruning, but I have everything I need to return to a healthier state once that's done. 

There are no shortcuts.  Ya gotta do the work, and it takes time.  Patience, young padawan!  First, though, you might want to see if there is something hindering your growth that needs to be cut out.

Solitude

I'm feeling the need for solitude very acutely these days.  I am never alone in my house.  It's not that the people around me are difficult to be around, quite the opposite, actually, but as an introvert, I feel refreshed when I can be alone with my thoughts and have long stretches of time to myself.  I don't get that here.  I spend long stretches of time on the computer, which is a poor substitute for solitude, but it is one of the ways I tune out the world and escape.

I recently realized how many times during the day I am interrupted with questions, the phone ringing, text messages, etc...  Normally, I'm not really bothered by it.  It's so much a part of my daily life that I don't even notice that it's happening, but I've been listening to some audiobooks in the last few days, and I am actually surprised at how often I am pulled away from what I am doing to help someone else.

It's okay.   I'm a mom.  It's what I do, but it highlights my need to take care of myself because I'm becoming impatient and cranky with the interruptions.  Normally, I do get away by myself once a year or so, and I also get away with girlfriends once a year or so.  I haven't done that this year, and I am craving some time alone,...to water the garden of my soul. I'm sneaking in a garden metaphor because I haven't done anything more to create my physical garden, but am very much doing the inner work of cultivating my spirit for future growth.

The Hermit from the Shadowscapes tarot deck