It's Happening!

The new deck is underway! I'm very happy.  I also feel like I'm moving forward, myself.

Patience!

My pretty little flowers have been attacked.  I believe it was powdery mildew, but I don't know.  There was some white stuff on the leaves early on, and now they look like this:

This also represents what has happened to all of my fitness via gardening plans.  And the deck?  Delayed.  These poor flowers look like I feel, fighting hard to bloom, but being overtaken by a choking powdery mildew.  I have powdery mildew.

Meanwhile, that rosebush I cut to nothing is doing well:

Earlier this Summer, I cut this bush down to nothing.  It had been left to its own devices too long and it needed to be done.  Now, although it isn't blooming, it is healthy and strong.  Next year, I expect there will be beautiful roses, if I can figure out how to prune it properly.

Is there a lesson in this for me?  Maybe it is that there are no shortcuts.  When I bought my pretty purple and orange flowers I got a dose of instant gratification.  Instant beauty.  I didn't have to work for that.  I bought plants that were already blooming and just put them in a pot, but the pleasure those flowers brought me didn't last.  Now I feel sad and helpless when I look at them.

And my rosebush?  It needed some ruthless pruning before it could return to a healthier state.  Pruning is scary.  What do I cut?  How much?  What if I cut too much?  What if it never comes back?

I am that rosebush.  I need pruning, but I have everything I need to return to a healthier state once that's done. 

There are no shortcuts.  Ya gotta do the work, and it takes time.  Patience, young padawan!  First, though, you might want to see if there is something hindering your growth that needs to be cut out.

Solitude

I'm feeling the need for solitude very acutely these days.  I am never alone in my house.  It's not that the people around me are difficult to be around, quite the opposite, actually, but as an introvert, I feel refreshed when I can be alone with my thoughts and have long stretches of time to myself.  I don't get that here.  I spend long stretches of time on the computer, which is a poor substitute for solitude, but it is one of the ways I tune out the world and escape.

I recently realized how many times during the day I am interrupted with questions, the phone ringing, text messages, etc...  Normally, I'm not really bothered by it.  It's so much a part of my daily life that I don't even notice that it's happening, but I've been listening to some audiobooks in the last few days, and I am actually surprised at how often I am pulled away from what I am doing to help someone else.

It's okay.   I'm a mom.  It's what I do, but it highlights my need to take care of myself because I'm becoming impatient and cranky with the interruptions.  Normally, I do get away by myself once a year or so, and I also get away with girlfriends once a year or so.  I haven't done that this year, and I am craving some time alone,...to water the garden of my soul. I'm sneaking in a garden metaphor because I haven't done anything more to create my physical garden, but am very much doing the inner work of cultivating my spirit for future growth.

The Hermit from the Shadowscapes tarot deck

Walking

I don't have much to report as far as gardening goes.  I've managed to get stalled there.  I had been concentrating on cleanup, but my weed eater ran out of line and it took me a couple of weeks to get that fixed.  My husband and I started making serious plans to build a new deck, and I got so excited.  I figured that would be a great jumping off point, but he's been very busy with work, so I'm going to need to move forward and not wait on a project that, realistically, might not happen.  I hate to say that but, I'm a little worried.  I've had my hopes dashed too many times in the past; it's best not to count on things that haven't happened yet.

In the meantime, I'm keeping my eyes open, looking for ideas and possible resources.  I took a walk this morning and stopped to admire the garden of one of my neighbors.

It's nothing fancy, but it's still lovely and quite doable.

So, my plan for now is to keep working on the yard -- someday I will be able to call it a garden, but I am not going to rely solely on gardening and yard-work to meet my fitness goals.  My walk this morning was the first of what I plan to make a daily habit.  That is ambitious given the fact that I live in, what feels like, the rainiest spot in the world, but this is a good time of year to start.

My current morning routine has me shuffling down the hall, grabbing a cup of coffee, and firing up the computer before I can even blink the sleep out of my eyes.  Then I get stuck there, and it takes an act of God or congress to get me out of my chair.  It's going to take planning and effort to change that habit, but it needs to be done.  Last night I set out my clothes, and this morning I was dressed and out the door before doing anything else.  Yay, me!

Valuable Inactivity

This is what my gardening and my fitness routine looks like today. 

Believe it or not, this is actually a step up from what I've been doing for the last week.  This time spent in the sun reading Sunset Magazine served to inspire and wake me up a little.  It also got me out of the house and off the computer.  Oh wait, I'm back.  Well, a quick post and back out in the sun I go!

As I was saying, reading about potential road trips I could take, browsing recipes using fresh ingredients, and drooling over other gardens was a nice retreat.  Little by little I'm going to add more of that to my own life.  Watch and see!

Time to Dig In!

 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
 whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. 
~Ecclesiastes 11:4


I'm a really good planner.  I plan and plan and plan.  I do my research, gather facts, talk to experts, and comparison shop for supplies.  I can plan all the live-long day, but when it comes to digging in, and in this case, I literally mean digging in, I have a hard time getting off my buh-hind.  I think it's that fear of doing it wrong mixed with a dash of lazy that keeps me from doing the physical work necessary to accomplish my goals.

The other day I was playing around with a new phone app I installed called "The Goddess Tarot".  I reflected on my question, which was "What do I need to do to move forward with my fitness goals?"
I drew Nine of Pentacles.

Instantly I smiled.  She's in a garden!  There's a mountain behind her, some tough work if she's going to climb it, but right now she's not even worrying about that.  Her attention is on the dove lighting on her fingertips, and she has a serene look about her.  To me, the dove represents the Holy Spirit. 

This was just a little sign to me that I'm on the right track with my plan to let God worry about how the work will get done and to get myself in that garden and start digging!  I need to stop fretting about that looming mountain and set my eyes on God.

Paralyzed by Perfectionism

I'm still reading, observing, and planning, but I'm not doing any real gardening.  I've realized I'm about to get stuck in the same trap I end up in every time I decide to start working on a garden.  I have this idea planted somewhere deep in my subconscious that until conditions are perfect I cannot begin a new project. This would explain why, in 20 years, all I've done is think about gardening.

I have this fear that I will plant something or dig something up and it will end up not fitting into the big picture.  In other words, I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. Crazy, huh?  I think we all do this to some degree, but I am deeply entrenched in this perfectionistic paralysis. 

Every year I think about putting a little color in my yard.  I want to put together pretty planters with beautiful flowers that I can enjoy, but I tell myself I can't do that because I have an ugly deck that's falling apart.  I tell myself that I can't put something beautiful on top of something that makes me cringe when I look at it.

Well, today I decided I certainly can put something beautiful anywhere I like, and that maybe that beauty will spread, and a little instant gratification is always nice too.

Gold Breeze Miscanthus, Sunny Dark Florence African Daisy, Fortunia Purple Fairy Bell Petunia